Year Twenty-O-nine

Twenty-O-nine (2009) had bid farewell just a month ago. As it ended, I realized and started to recall all the things that happened to me during the whole year of 2009. I can really say that it made a remarkable moment in my life. Remarkable in the sense that, I got my college diploma, I started to experience the reality of life, I've got deep failures, I had my first job experience and of course, I got a job. I also have undergone many and different events and scenarios of happiness, struggles, burdens and many things that really put colors for the year 2009.

During that year, the worst scenario that I've ever encountered in my whole life was when "married" men were seriously and madly revealing their deepest affections toward me. The first one and the second one, since this scenario happened twice. In fairness, those men were young, admirable and gentle. I would just only be drooling on them. According to them, they never expected and intended to feel that intense affection for me. It just happened unintentionally. When it happened for the second time, I noticed from both of them that they have similar reasons and confessions. It was really not easy especially when you found the characteristics of your ideal man to them. I was so amazed of this experience because I really find it so awkward, uneasy and terrible. It made me wonder why it came to this point where in fact, I did nothing and I even did not seduce or show interest to them since I know that they can't be mine anymore. Truly! Eventually, I continued to fight for what is right even how hard it was.

I also felt so much depression and frustrations. I started to hate challenges when I was greatly challenged of the things I was facing. Yet, I kept trying to view it in a positive way to uplift and give hope to myself. Consequently, I become mature despite all of these. It gave me a realization of what really life is. It also teaches me to have more faith to God, to accept reality and to move on for the better!

I am so thankful for the Year 2009 for all the pleasant and unpleasant experiences that I've gone through.

Behind forwarded messages

(FYI: Not chain messages)

We may sometimes wonder why people keep on forwarding messages to us that would make our inbox full. Anyway, here 's the essence and the truth behind this forwarded messages...

"I am very busy, but still want to keep in touch";
"I have nothing to say, but still want to stay connected";
"I have something to say, but dont know what & how to say it";
"I just want to let you know that you are Remembered."

How sweet!

The 2nd time gets worst

I'm really bothered now about this strange feeling for me which is a taboo that hits me for the second time. I'm feeling uneasy and I hate to pretend. I hardly concentrate because it keeps on bothering me which annoys me when it gets too much. I can hardly stop my mind from not thinking about it after the confession has made. A forbidden confession. Somehow, he's able to confront it as early as now. At first, i already sensed that it's getting something unusual yet i just ignore it because im thinking that maybe I'm only the one giving meaning or maybe it's just the normal Him. At first I'm happy because he acted this way to me and I'm feeling flattered since i'm still new. I can feel no malice until the time came for me to be awaken with this unusualness. Even from the start, people close to me are already bothered and warning me about the stories I told them and the closeness that we started to build which for me, it's nothing and it's only friendship. I will only say and tell them to trust me. My intention is very clean. Whenever he invites me just for anything I used to go with him thinking again that maybe he just need company and a friend whom he can share his deepest thoughts and someone who can understand him the way I can. I sometimes get annoyed when people judged me differently. Well, i knew for a fact that they're acting like this because they're just concerned about me and they are afraid of something bad or taboo to happen between us. I am very much aware of it and I don't wanna involved on it.

Now, it happened when he confronted me. I can feel this strange feeling! I don't want to grow this feeling as what i told him. Yet, i was almost weaken to hold on to what is right. Luckily somehow, I was strong enough to stop him and nagged him because I'm just thinking and doing the right one. I just can't help myself thinking everything. I guess, I'm feeling this way and i was too affected then because I find myself fallen already for Him. Now, I'm trying to let go of it and trying to stop this ill feeling! OMG! It made me then to rememmber the first time it hit me. A forbidden love. I experienced it before just recently in my previous work but it's not that worst as i have experienced now. I considered it as worst because this abnormality affects me more deeply than the first time. I was very resistable before than now. How I really wish for him and for us to move on and forget in just a second and go back to normal. hayy!

PSI (Powertech Specialists, Inc)

So far, during my 2 weeks and 3 days working in PSI, I'm enjoying their company. I enjoy doing my tasks and I'm actually having fun with them especially with the Technical Engineers and the Cadets (trainees). I am also happy with my boss because he's so nice and friendly. I sometimes make or crack jokes with him and we found ourselves giggling. In short, we're getting close. Well, it's good for me so that I won't be ashamed to open up regarding the work like whenever I have queries and concerns. Right now, I am still adjusting and learning my mistakes. Naks. Well, not too bad I've got many revisions and one of the reasons of the revisions is my carelessness. Argh! However, I am still considered on this since I am still learning and coping up with my mistakes. Sometimes, I feel guilty because my boss is too kind to me, accommodating and very considerate. He is also motivated to teach me everything I need to know and learn event hough sometimes I feel like my thoughts are flying already while he is discussing. I need spongebob to help me absorb everything. hehe. Well, I'm feeling a bit pressured in my work since I'm under sales. We do have targets and many things to meet and consider. I just hope that I can make good impression to my boss and even my clients and I just don't want my boss to feel disappointed because of me.

Anyway, I have here few pictures from the technical people who are currently working in one of our on going projects which is the RCBCBajada branch for Structured Cabling and installation of CCTV camera and Alarm. Hopefully, I can buy and have my dream Digicam so that I can take more pictures. :)

Preparing UTP cables for the CCTV Camera

From left: Sir Pong(Our Boss), Brau(Technical Engineer),Ralph, Marlon, Amor, Ankol Alex, Richard, Mark, Jessie and Me.

This is the Vault Room

Jessie working on the Structured Cabling (Data and Voice Cabling).

The Thoughts in my Mind

Well, it's 9:09 pm here in my lappy's clock. Right now, I am freaky full of jealousy after seeing and found out something! I'm feeling awkward about this because I started to freak out again like feeling discontented and discouraged on something in me which challenges me more. grrr! I can't help myself not to feel jealous (FYI: It has nothing to do with a boy-girl relationship!) It's like, i need someone, whom i used to tell my deepest thoughts and emotions, to talk with. Yet, it made me think again why not type and post it here as a way of unloading and get wrong thoughts and emotions away. The problem with me most often is that I am quite pessimistic.

Honestly, I hate challenges! Like what I always said, I am very much challenged now! However, I don't have the choice but rather go for it and face it. Yeah, I am very much aware that challenges are parcel of life and that we have to fight it. Waaah. I do believe that there would be a lot of challenges that I would be encountering soon especially on that special opportunity to come if God would allow and grant me that. :( Yes, though I feel excited and very delighted when this special opportunity comes to me at the right time, I feel quite sad and afraid for this day to come. It is because I would be faced with another bundle of challenges in my life. I guess the very reason why I'm afraid of challenges is the failure. I am afraid to encounter failure again. However, again I still don't have good choice for myself but rather face it and move on! Well, it's very easy to say this than to do it.

On the good side, I am still thankful for everything especially on my recent Job, having a very nice and accommodating Boss! I salute my boss for being so optimistic, nice, cool and for sharing his expertise and most of all, Gwapo!haha. But, don't you know that I am quite pressured on every good and positive things he is showing to me right now? It's because I am doubting that maybe I won't be able to reach or surpass his expectations and trust to me. I am intimidated to tell him frankly not to expect to much from me, because he really sees like everything positively and he is a very goal-oriented person! I am also intimidated to comment negatively since we are opposite in terms of attitude towards challenges. I just pray to God to bless and guide me for this. OMG!

So, for the jealousy I often times used to feel right now, it's better off to focus on myself for the meantime and do what i suppose to do. I need to be contented at this moment and start earning what i suppose to earn! For God be the Glory! ;)

Good Luck to me!

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A little light of Hope

Whoaw! Thank you so much. I do really appreciate what had happened to me recently. Oh God, I would like to say thank you a million times for everything. hehe. I thank you more specifically on this little light of hope that I have witnessed and started to believe in. It made me more hopeful and feeling like fulfilling though it's still the beginning and I'm still uncertain of what would be the next one to happen. Yeah, Im not really certain of what would really happen afterwards whether it's a gloomy one or a happy one. Well, I am hoping that this would be a good sign to me and hoping that this little light would continue to light brightly as i struggle until the right time.

I started to believe that specific instance, when like everyhing messed up as an omen or a good omen to me. Fortunately, it was. Hopefully, I would be lucky enough for this. How i really wish that my wishes would be granted to me. However, we can never tell, so we just need to move and fight the battle with unique armors that we have and never lose hope. That is really life!