Mixed Feelings (happy and sad)

Ahhmm. I have just something to share. There’s this man whom I have fallen in love. We’re friends but not that close with each other. We are also schoolmates! Nakz! We have exchanged smiles and soon it was faded for a year then this time, he was the one who approached me, first. My classmates teased me then, because they were not expecting that, that guy and I were friends. I was shocked also with that, but I didn't mind it at first because he was just asking me about our project in our same subject. Later on, with that same day on the lobby, he approached me again and telling me something about what happened with their project. So, I felt flattered and happy because he approached me again! My gosh! Until such time, when I’ve cut my long hair, I saw him in the campus he stared at me yet he didn’t smile at me. I was really disappointed about it! I've waited for him yet i failed. I was thinking whether he didn’t like my new look or maybe he just don’t want to. Fortunately, after how many days in the lobby, we have eye to eye and suddenly he smiled at me. My classmates teased me again because I was not able to stop myself to giggle. I think he noticed me so I was trying to control myself. With those teas from my classmates, I have realized that I feel something different towards him! Tsk2.

I have confessed my guy friend who is also his friend, that I have this special feeling for him. And now, when I and this friend of us talked about him, he told me that “my crush” has a “crush” who is also one of our schoolmates. Waaatt?! So, I insisted him (the friend) to tell me. Shocks! Upon hearing it, I felt the ache deep inside me. I can’t stop myself not to think about what I have just heard! Tsk2. Why is that so?? I thought, I will not be affected because I only just admire him and nothing more. I was not expecting that little by little, I was falling in love wit him! I have definitely realized it when I was hurting. However, I have mixed feelings of happiness and sadness. Huhu. I am happy because I have already reason not to pursue my feelings as my defense mechanism to stop this pain. Hehe. Yet, sad because, of course, he will no longer be mine! Wahhh! I just can’t help myself with this but I am looking forward to accept it and to go back in normal. Maybe I was just over expecting about him and giving different meanings on his gestures towards me. But, you know, I can feel that something from him that is why I allow myself to feel this way. He showed a motive! Ohhh, tsk2. I really don’t know. I am so confused! I have no intention to tell him to have the first move. No, no, no. I will just try to forget him, to stop thinking him. Tsk2