Tuesday, May 25, 2010

at this moment

Next week is going to be a totally different world! Well, next week will start my training on my new employer. I'm feeling a bit excited yet i have this feeling also of sadness, mixed emotions though. I feel sad because I'm gonna miss my previous office mates, the fun and bonding we had. huhu. I can really say that I enjoyed being and working with them even for a quite short time. Actually, I'm really having hard times thinking or deciding on the opportunities that I am confronted with right now. Well, i have to choose whether to stay with my current job or to pursue with one of my dreams to work in a bank. Both of them are close to my heart so I need to discern. It really made me think so seriously and to consider some factors so that i can decide rightly. Until, i made my decision, a fixed decision.

I filed a resignation so I can start processing everything that I need to process. I was really hesitated to submit the resignation letter because I don't want them to think silly thoughts and also I don't wanna see their emotions of my leaving from work. When the superiors in the office knew about my resignation, one of them confessed something that touched me heartily. My boss told me some of the things during their conversation like their appreciation with my little contribution and their positive feelings towards me while working with them. Somehow, despite of my shortcomings they as well appreciated me. When my boss confessed about it to me by phone, my tears flew down suddenly and my throat got stocked up while trying to stop my tears. I was trying to clear my throat before i spoke so he won't notice me. Luckily, he didn't. Well, I'm just thankful for everything despite of everything. hehe. haay. I just can't express my deepest emotions into words.

Now, I always pray to God to guide me with my decision, to continue blessing me in everything I do especially in my career and family. And, of course I always ask for forgiveness :(. I just wish that everything would be smooth as I continue my journey and facing challenges and struggles of life.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

May 1, 2010

May 1 is a Labor day. In this year, since it falls on Saturday the holiday was moved on Monday. So, employees particularly the Government Offices would really enjoy a long holiday! Hmmm. Anyway, in my personal matter this date marked a remarkable point in life. Why? hmm. Well, it's just that the DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE. This is how i can simply and accurately describe the incident which becomes remarkable for me. Haayy, it's quite regretful! I don't understand my feelings on that day due to mixed emotions. I wanted to cry yet it's like my mind tried to question me for doing so. My mind is like saying "It happened already, you can't blame anyone else anymore. So. move on and don't let it happen again". Haayy! How i really wish that i could have full control over it. Now i can recall when the times I said to others and to myself that it's impossible to happen to me though I'm not closing my thoughts that it wouldn't happen, it's possible to happen. Well, let me just keep it to myself for now about this burden or the cause of everything of what I'm saying here. I'm a type of person who's very secretive and silent because i just want privacy. My purpose of posting it here is just to unload this heavy feelings i have which I can't dare to open up to somebody else. I don't have the strength yet to share the whole story.

Like I've said, I'm having regrets with the incident happened because it was too unfair. One is not deserving. It would be special though if one deserves it. Well, I excused this moment for now but when it happened for many times, it would be crazy and stupid anymore! I might cursed the one involved and it would be hard for me to forgive myself.