Well, it's 9:09 pm here in my lappy's clock. Right now, I am freaky full of jealousy after seeing and found out something! I'm feeling awkward about this because I started to freak out again like feeling discontented and discouraged on something in me which challenges me more. grrr! I can't help myself not to feel jealous (FYI: It has nothing to do with a boy-girl relationship!) It's like, i need someone, whom i used to tell my deepest thoughts and emotions, to talk with. Yet, it made me think again why not type and post it here as a way of unloading and get wrong thoughts and emotions away. The problem with me most often is that I am quite pessimistic.
Honestly, I hate challenges! Like what I always said, I am very much challenged now! However, I don't have the choice but rather go for it and face it. Yeah, I am very much aware that challenges are parcel of life and that we have to fight it. Waaah. I do believe that there would be a lot of challenges that I would be encountering soon especially on that special opportunity to come if God would allow and grant me that. :( Yes, though I feel excited and very delighted when this special opportunity comes to me at the right time, I feel quite sad and afraid for this day to come. It is because I would be faced with another bundle of challenges in my life. I guess the very reason why I'm afraid of challenges is the failure. I am afraid to encounter failure again. However, again I still don't have good choice for myself but rather face it and move on! Well, it's very easy to say this than to do it.
On the good side, I am still thankful for everything especially on my recent Job, having a very nice and accommodating Boss! I salute my boss for being so optimistic, nice, cool and for sharing his expertise and most of all, Gwapo!haha. But, don't you know that I am quite pressured on every good and positive things he is showing to me right now? It's because I am doubting that maybe I won't be able to reach or surpass his expectations and trust to me. I am intimidated to tell him frankly not to expect to much from me, because he really sees like everything positively and he is a very goal-oriented person! I am also intimidated to comment negatively since we are opposite in terms of attitude towards challenges. I just pray to God to bless and guide me for this. OMG!
So, for the jealousy I often times used to feel right now, it's better off to focus on myself for the meantime and do what i suppose to do. I need to be contented at this moment and start earning what i suppose to earn! For God be the Glory! ;)
Good Luck to me!
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