Thursday, November 26, 2009

The 2nd time gets worst

I'm really bothered now about this strange feeling for me which is a taboo that hits me for the second time. I'm feeling uneasy and I hate to pretend. I hardly concentrate because it keeps on bothering me which annoys me when it gets too much. I can hardly stop my mind from not thinking about it after the confession has made. A forbidden confession. Somehow, he's able to confront it as early as now. At first, i already sensed that it's getting something unusual yet i just ignore it because im thinking that maybe I'm only the one giving meaning or maybe it's just the normal Him. At first I'm happy because he acted this way to me and I'm feeling flattered since i'm still new. I can feel no malice until the time came for me to be awaken with this unusualness. Even from the start, people close to me are already bothered and warning me about the stories I told them and the closeness that we started to build which for me, it's nothing and it's only friendship. I will only say and tell them to trust me. My intention is very clean. Whenever he invites me just for anything I used to go with him thinking again that maybe he just need company and a friend whom he can share his deepest thoughts and someone who can understand him the way I can. I sometimes get annoyed when people judged me differently. Well, i knew for a fact that they're acting like this because they're just concerned about me and they are afraid of something bad or taboo to happen between us. I am very much aware of it and I don't wanna involved on it.

Now, it happened when he confronted me. I can feel this strange feeling! I don't want to grow this feeling as what i told him. Yet, i was almost weaken to hold on to what is right. Luckily somehow, I was strong enough to stop him and nagged him because I'm just thinking and doing the right one. I just can't help myself thinking everything. I guess, I'm feeling this way and i was too affected then because I find myself fallen already for Him. Now, I'm trying to let go of it and trying to stop this ill feeling! OMG! It made me then to rememmber the first time it hit me. A forbidden love. I experienced it before just recently in my previous work but it's not that worst as i have experienced now. I considered it as worst because this abnormality affects me more deeply than the first time. I was very resistable before than now. How I really wish for him and for us to move on and forget in just a second and go back to normal. hayy!

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